Saturday, November 3, 2007

the gods are against me

the gods are against me

after my many hours in amsterdam, and after that lovely picture, it was finally time to get on the plane.
amsterdam can kiss my ass. we had to go through 2 more security checks at the gate, which included them taking away my airport sealed bottle of amarula from kia!!!!
yes i am not greatly surprised, but they wouldnt even let me check it. they said only items bought from the amsterdam airport can come on the plane, even sealed by another airport. how is that even right? i could buy a gallon of flamable liquid and they put it in a little "see blue fly" bg and everything is peachy keen?? but i have a single bottle of deliciousness sealed in a the same plastic they use and oh no im a terrorist???
"they don't know how to seal them" at other airports. WHAT? oh it made me so mad. one of the security officers proceeded to tear at the sealed bag to show how it wasn't really sealed. i was too tired to even beg them to let me check it. i couldnt believe he was tearing open my bag to show it was open. then, worse! they threw it away!! i would have rather they actually take it a drink it!!!!

then of course you have to wait another hour in a different holding cell before getting on the plane. long enough for me, as exhaushted as i was--now about 23 hours since having slept-- to be completely depressed. pathetic as i knew it probably wouldn't make it even when i bought it a kia. i was even mad at all the wazungu all around me, especially the rich ones standing next to me that kept discussing business class. "oh, your a world elite business class member? oh yes, we stand here. we are business and they will call us first but i like to stand. then i like to whisk on and sit right down first. oh it is so nice to be in business oh yes, why fly anything else. we just fly too much."
i am not exaggerating. this is what i had to listen to all the while trying not to cry from exhausted frustration over a silly bottle of amarula.

after first and business class and all the levels of elite members finally got on the plane, i drug my bags in as well. my carry ons were really too big, but i had my cameras and laptop and paintings and carvings that i couldnt bare to check. not a big deal except very heavy and hard to maneuver down plane aisles. then, low and behold people are sitting in my seat. i pull out my ticket. oh look we have the same seat registration. now i have to fight my way against the flow of traffic back to the front to get an flight attendent to tell me if i am flying today.

but i can't be mad, because my seat is taken by a severely disabled girl and her father. i can only be very very tired. then i have to go back with the attendant who looks at our stubs and says yes indeed we have the same seat. but they had to move the girl from her other location and just forgot to give me a new seat, so wait here while he figures it out. oh good. now i get to stand in the middle of the plane as people file past me, staring at me stare at them, standing ridiculously in the middle trying not to be in anyones way.

my new seat put me next to an elderly woman who coming from south africa where she had taught women to embroider bags to sell. she was very nice, but couldn't figure out how to do anything and needed a care taker herself. which sadly i had to become. adjust her seat, fix her headphones, adjust the air conditioning, set up a movie, readjust the air conditioning repeat her drink orders to the attendants... SIGH.

they stopped showing harry potter on the plane the night before pole to me. but i still watched 3 and a half movies: transformers (which was made me laugh out loud, and was more entertaining than i thought possible for it to be) a mighty heart, that made me cry, no reservations with catherine zeta jones and sexy Aaron Eckhart, and half of the new simpsons.

at detroit you have to get all your bags from the plane and go through customs. my bags, of course were among the last handful to appear. meanwhile a sniffer dog sniffs me out. great. thank goodness i dont actually have any drugs on me. but there he is pointing obediently at my carry on. the officer and i go through my bag and discover the handful of my favorite flower i had taken from pauli's bunch. yep that's it. they are so fragrant nd now they have just marked me for extra examination in customs. ah well. only meant that after the 2nd long line in through customs i had to go to the line for arabs, indians, africans and other suspicious people, to have our bags extra xrayed. im not sure what they were more concerned about. that any of us might have bombs or live chickens hidden in our bags.

when i finally made it through everything to my gate and had a whole 20 minutes before getting on the plane- i decided to treat myself to an american ice coffee (none of this tasty ice cream float business like the coffee lounge) $3.87. nearly 4,000 Tsh!

but that was nothing compared to the $93 ride it cost me to get from the airport to my apartment. and now i may pass out and die.

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