no more crazy

alright. enough of next to normal. it has been eating out my brain for the last week. i don't have that many good brain cells to spare. i don't want to end up like one of those crazy people on the subway, going in circles, talking to myself.

on the other hand, it is rather difficult to tell the crazy people from everyone else these days. the other night my friend michael admitted to being a random-line-singer. that is, he listens to his ipod on the subway, in the street, with his rather cool and remote expression. then suddenly he'll explode with a particular rockin out phrase, or a harmony on the chorus, totally oblivious to who or what may be listening. then it's back to his perfected bland, city disdain.

i think city dwellers are adversely affected by the need to have that perfected you-don't-bother-me, i-have-somewhere-to-be facade. you just can't rock out in the city, unless it's with your band, which 50% of the population has, or in one of the obscenely numerous karaoke bars. i don't really "club" but i guess that's the way whoever is left "rocks".

i don't miss driving, but i do miss rockin out in my car. no one should be denied the bohemian rhapsody experience, like my friends and i had--too many of us stuffed into my little car driving up to the mountains, on a college break i think, singing all the harmonies at full blast. that rocks.

alone is good too. spill your soul into the confines of your 4-door! i remember a director of mine told me he always warms up to his acting performances by singing opera in his car on the way to the theatre. i get that. open your throat, your breath, you heart and make the juices flow.

but what am i reduced to? toe tapping in the stifling sweaty subway. mouthing along the words. and yes, i admit it too, when the train rushes by and the sound decibels block out everything else, i let out a little wail.