it is all a mystery

it is all a mystery

or a...

frustrating days.

there is lots of work for me to finish before i leave the country. more than i will possibly be able to finish, though i will try my best. 

nearly every person, wazungu and tanzanian alike, want to know why i am leaving...don't i like it? shouldn't i be getting married? shouldn't i stay home here? when am i coming back?

i already miss my friends here, and sadly we all begin to pull away--protecting ourselves from what we have come to know as the incessant ebb and flow of people in and out of town. i want to get angry, find fault, find a reason to move on.  easier to deny friendships, than admit we might miss each other.  but that is my own fault, right? usually, you just don't bother memorizing a person's name if they stay under a couple months. and here i am, staying on  for practically forever and then suddenly up and leaving with no warning.

we are a community of transients, especially those of us in our 20s and 30s. if you don't have a spouse and baby, and even when you do, few wazungu, expats, or half-tanzanians commit to putting roots in a place like moshi.  we form friendships, maybe lovers, but hardly with a clear understanding of roots and the future.  everything is for the now.

for the moment.

but when you leave the now, where do you go? and who do you go with?