the breathing memory

with the east coast deluge, my wedding season comes to a close. it is fittingly dreary for an "end of things," though i had hoped to grasp a tiny bit of summer here in the south. alas, i waited too long. instead of lounging by the pool, i have ample time to putter around my home town. to visit the spots of those enduring moments in my brain. probably too much time.

that being said, the last of my weddings was beautiful. vastly different--actually, they were all very different from each other. yet, everyone managed to plan something very fitting. i love how different they all have been.

sometimes on the other side of the fence you mush all marriages together. it becomes a blur of TLC episodes and wedding magazines. when most of your friends are single or family-less, you start to re-imagine  "domestic bliss" from fragments of your memory, real, imagined, from that last pulp novel to the 3d family film...

my sister Julia and her husband got married at their new house, which they have been refurbishing themselves all summer. and we are not just talking a little paint--not only the walls, but everything from  a complete upheaval of the yard, to the plumbing, to the freakin roof-- yes, they laid the beams!! in the ceiling!

not only was the wedding perfectly simple, but allowed all the friends and family to really appreciate how much work they have already put into their new home.

alyssa's wedding, on the other hand, was incredibly elegant last week. the ceremony was at a beautiful mansion, overlooking LA. all the fancy guests hid beneath delicate, matching parasols to fend off the blaring sun.

i didn't know a lot of people at the wedding--a far cry from the plans we made as teenagers in high school, daydreaming about our lives together. the houses we'd have, the baby strollers we'd push, the husbands we'd torture... it wasn't so much the "what" but the fact we'd be doing everything at the same time, so we could share the suffering and the joy, could gossip and bemoan together.  but times change. and we grow up. i guess some of us do.

her wedding was officiated by another of our friends who got one of those "day passes" to legitimately perform the ceremony. a very sweet idea.

my mind is full of twistable turnable thoughts that i have not yet decided if i should let in or i should just pack away.

however, i am very glad that i took the time, money, and effort to make it to all of the weddings this summer.  living the status quo is a terrible place for an artist.  you must stretch yourself in some way as much as you can. whether reading new scripts, attending scene study classes, trying out different ideas or having wild adventues.  sometimes, esp when things are emotionally stressful, stretching can mean a simple, rote physical warm up. but it can also mean this overindulgent "exploration" of "feelings."

and as i am falling asleep typing this, i'd better sign off for now.