Thursday, January 28, 2010

clearer? Cynicism vs. Conan take 2

i felt the need to add to yesterday's post after reading comments and talking to friends. i think the general craziness i bring to the world has tainted somewhat my intentions in this reflection on Conan's words. i didn't intend for it to seem downtrodden. to clarify:

i was surprisingly touched catching up with that last show over my laptop and had one of those "damn, they's is talking to me" moments when Conan looked into the camera:  "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen."  

 and i felt myself rebel.  i'm a good person. i work hard and am nice to people.  and i wanted to say: i am not a cynic. which gave me pause.  that confusion is what led me to blog-it-out.

just how much of a cynic am i? how much of that latent struggle between happiness/depression/cynicism/naivete hold me back from achieving what i seek?  does even my own humor hold me back?

and yet, part of what i am, shaping the cartoon caricature of my soul, is that tug-of-war between skeptic and dreamer.  singer and weeper. story-teller and loner.

the chubby girl in the funny costume, saying "yeah? that's right. i'm a butterfly. deal."

and yet, Conan begs, don't be a cynic.  can i bypass the question by denying the struggle and faking peace till i am at peace?

would that solve anything at all?

clearer now? bees.

Cover me with your revelation 
Cover me with your sorrows tale 
Cover me with your holy water  
Cover me, dancing virginia

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