Thursday, December 27, 2007

here there and everywhere

durham is a funny place. actually, i guess anyone's home town is funny. how is it that year after year a place can stay inextricably the same? the scenery changes, like dunes shifting this way and that, and things disappear or leave only an echo in the path of the new. but certain roads still produce the same ache and ghosts lurk in every corner, prompting "what ifs" and long remembrances. a tree marks a perfect kiss, a street sign and a night of tears, a restaurant safekeeps an uncontrollable laugh.

sometimes the roads we've taken and the roads we've yet to choose are so palpable they lay out invitingly, written on the Bandits' stolen map. at such junctions, is it easier to change the path we're on or do the ghostly layers muddle the mind too much? perhaps true wisdom comes in seeing all those choices clearly, detached, seeing both where you've come from and where you are going.

kitty knew i was leaving. maybe b/c we had packed all morning. after dad and kate had taken the last of the things to the car and waited for me, i looked for where she was hiding for a last hug. after sharing my bed with her for the last 6 nights, i thought i deserved one. she was diffident as i picked her up, but with a goodbye i set her at the top of my stairs. she eyed me unimpressed. then, when i reach my hand to pet her head, she hissed at me! hissed! startled, i laid my hand at her feet. she looked at me a full beat, then slowly, without blinking or looking way, she smacked my hand.

i apologized for leaving and asked her not to be mad. but some people just don't pretend.

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